After
the success of Emperor Neptune's Fish Tale, I decided to continue on.
On top of that, my mentality has been shaky again as of late: I won't
slip again, I refuse to. I vowed not to, especially since I met
Chris, been in contact with Ben, and bumped into Matt on Pinterest. I
just don't have a reason to succumb to another depression again. My
emotions have been driven more by protest than anything. Let's face
it: the future can be a million times better than the present, and I
have the power to make it so. But for some reason, no one seems to be
paying attention to that. It's as if no one wants to be daring or
extraordinary anymore. Meh, their loss.
“They
are so damn 'intellectual' and rotten that I can’t stand them
anymore….I would rather sit on the floor in the market of Toluca
and sell tortillas, than have anything to do with those 'artistic'
bitches of Paris.”
-
Frida Kahlo
Thus
I've vowed to channel my frustrations poetically yet again (however I
did write two that are more or less happy: I'm not all
darkness and cynicism, y'know). However, there is one (A Brand-New
Day) that I've been kicking around since my parents split up and then
blew the dust off. The rest of these were pretty much written on the
dot. Only a few artworks this time: some of them would have been
forced, something I do not like doing in the very least.
“I
am terrified of this dark thing
That
sleeps in me;
All
day I feel its feathery turnings, its malignity.”
-
Sylvia Plath
To
Chris,
you sir, are one of the coolest people ever.
To
Ben,
I want to meet you so much, you have no idea.
I'm
the ghost,
the
ghost that loves to speak to statues.
I'm
the ghost,
the
ghost that talks in rhyme and reason.
I'm
the ghost,
the
ghost that sets fire to the world that took him down.
 |
| "Hale Harper", in pen and ink |
I'm
the ghost,
the
ghost with the long hair and full form.
I'm
the ghost,
the
ghost with the sense of weirdness.
I'm
the ghost,
the
ghost whose living whilst being dead altogether.
I'm
the man,
the
man who fought for love.
I'm
the man,
the
man who lives on electricity and history.
I'm
the man,
the
man who can tell no lies.
I'm
the man,
the
man with the spark of madness.
I'm
the man,
the
man who saved the world from utter chaos.
I'm
the man,
the
man who is a step away from his demise.
“Hale
and Lewis” (Hale Harper, a Buddhist pyrotechnic ghost who only
wants to see the good in the world, based off of Kim Thayil; and
Lewis Allison, an engineering graduate who wants a revolution, based
off of Chris Cornell)
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
I
am the sea and the sky,
and
everything within the mind.
I
am the moon and the sun,
and
the past before it was won.
I
am the stars and the light,
and
the colors which left you blind.
I
am the ground and the water,
and
the time given from father.
I
am the earth and the hole,
and
bereft of all that's cold.
I
am the world and the pain,
and
the madness keeping you sane.
I
am the shadow and the doubt,
and
the light that comes out.
I
am stardust and the wind,
and
the redemption for a sin.
I
am Saturn, teaching whilst you roam,
the
beauty that lies before your home.
“Saturn's
Revenge”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
I'm
trapped and alone
with
the blanket of abyss.
What
did I do that was so wrong?
Time
is a narcissist,
and
you were told a lie.
What
did I do that was so right?
The
truth within,
it
isn't terrible.
Put
a ring on it
and
don't let it go.
“Saturn's
Rings”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
Let
me awaken to a new day,
one
with words and things to play.
What
shame is there in being?
Let
me stand here with a pen in hand,
and
wish away for a solid place to stand.
Why
doesn't anyone believe in this?
Let
me pull onwards with a spark,
 |
| "Neptune's Trident", in graphite |
to
give my words one of heart.
Why
abuse the water to erode away?
Let
me give a handful of clues,
and
miscomprehend what to lose.
Who
invited me in?
Let
me lay it all down to see,
and
to see red cannot be.
What
gave you the right?
Let
me define you by a word,
and
leave you without another word.
Why
break when you can recycle?
“Water
Heart”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
The
stars have watched us walk about,
and
the moon boasts her shadow for the night.
Silently
noisy, and cacophonously quiet,
what
is mine and yours is our fight.
The
whole world is watching,
and
yet the world could care to lie.
Wherever
is the mind is another heart,
and
wherever is silence is another life.
It's
all for you, you know,
and
your crowded realm,
and
the cord betwixt won't heal.
What
time is it? See the shadows
on
the glacial grooves?
Smile,
my love,
it's
a brand-new day.
“A
Brand-New Day”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
Oh,
dear depressionist,
the
one with the pitch-dark ego
and
the dubious shadow of certainty,
 |
| "Spoongirl (self-portrait)", in graphite |
go
make up your face and hair
and
take your time elsewhere.
Oh,
dear depressionist,
the
one with the paintbrush
and
the pencil ten miles high,
why
should you worry about it
when
you've got the silver and gold?
Oh,
dear depressionist,
the
one with the tears
and
the irrational fears,
it
saved me and it can you,
because
of the mirrors around you.
Oh,
dear depressionist,
the
one with no soul
and
no heart for him,
the
flame will not forgive
nor
will it forget.
“Dear
Depressionist”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
Sometimes
the shadow is my friend,
and
it can understand what I need to mend.
Sometimes
the noise is too much,
and
the silence brings me luck.
Sometimes
the words come pouring out,
and
all that you see is a desparate shout.
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do to correspond to you?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do to be frank with you?
Sometimes
we're bound to be alone:
it's
more understanding than the home.
Sometimes
we need a safe place,
and
we need to have a secluded space.
Sometimes
we're lost in translation,
and
it all convolutes in the station.
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do to bring the life unto you?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do to clear the air for you?
Sometimes
the slab must be returned,
and
the flames within thusly burned.
Sometimes
the new ones are buried in the crossfire,
because
the static resembled to me a liar.
Sometimes
the greatest of things must fall
in
order to see and astound it all.
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do to show the earth to you?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do?
What
do I have to do to bury the hatchet betwixt us two?
Sometimes
my words are not enough
and
to you, you think it's too tough.
Sometimes
you mustn't assume
because
my clues are meant to consume.
Sometimes
it's the mystery that excites
but
to you, it's all just a superficial fight.
“Sometimes
(Desparate Shout)” (not gonna lie: I wrote this one in about
fifteen minutes)
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
Everything
I've said is from within.
Everything
I've done is from my sin.
Every
color I see is strong and hard.
Every
word I feel has a forked tongue.
Every
action I do has a stem of shame.
So
who are you to hand out the guilt?
The
ties don't see what the others find,
and
it shatters the glass of mind.
 |
| "Garden of Watery Delights", in gouache |
Who
are you to deny being equally built?
Everything
I wrote is harbored down.
Everything
I buried is pulled from the ground.
Everything
I show has a motive.
Every
word I write bleeds something.
Every
plan I break pulls me away.
So
who are you to hand out the guilt?
The
ties don't see what the others find,
and
it shatters the glass of my mind.
Who
are you to deny being equally built?
The
ties don't bleed what the others believe
and
it destroys the world of heart.
Who
am I to deny being equally built?
“Moths
and Infernal Racket” (tribute to Soundgarden's song Slaves and
Bulldozers)
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
So
much sky,
and
so much earth.
So
much falling right before
my
eyes.
The
wind is cold,
the
blood is old,
my
pillow beckons me
to
draw away all that is free.
Madness
is here
and
yet so is the fear.
Sleeping,
sondering,
selling,
and sighing.
 |
| "Forget Me Nots", in watercolor |
No
dreams allowed here.
Forget
me not,
and
turn me blue.
Bring
forth that blizzard
they've
forewarned.
Watch
the lines bend
and
the minds blend.
So
forget me not,
and
turn me blue.
Solitary
lies,
Alarm
and fly,
The
pads await for us.
Jabberwocky
forbidden,
and
the rest is hidden,
don't
take back the fear,
you
mustn't shed a tear.
“Forget
Me Nots”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
Well,
you're finally here and nothing's right,
bring
me the day and extinguish the night.
Well,
the dreams are watching you and me,
so
reach out, embrace, and follow me.
Well,
the world is too much to feel right now,
and
we can hide away within our little cloud.
Well,
please don't run away from me
and
leave me alone to bleed.
“Aquarius
Mind”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
Lavenders
in bloom,
in
the white room.
The
fog banking,
and
the heart is tanking.
Curled
up and alone,
away,
and in the zone.
How
is it so cruel,
to
let despair rule?
Lavenders
alive,
in
the beckoning night.
The
house empty and full,
and
the mind is then null.
No
one should be alone,
but
feel to be at home.
Is
the break in the soul
worth
the time of the world?
Do
you share your mind
and
watch it all unfurl?
Do
you share your mind
and
feel it all dissolve?
There's
a split in the way,
one
with a crowd,
and
one with a smile.
You
show me the way,
the
one with the comfort,
the
functioning machine.
The
path that leads,
it
has something in between,
a
shrub of lavenders.
“Those
are some of my favorite flowers.”
“Lavender”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
~
My
best friends are dying, because of your incessant lying.
My
fish tail is sore and weary, and the salts leave my sight bleary.
My
marker shells are breaking and splitting, because of errors you're
not admitting.
My
coral heart is bleeding, because shovelers are breeding.
My
soft belly is painfully empty, because you bereft me of what was
plenty.
My
milky skin is drained and tired, because you are a dragging liar.
Why
ask me to go higher when you're barely on fire?
Let
those hot waves caress over you and the daisies turn mushroom cloud
blue.
The
cyclones will rage and pour, and slither down from my core.
You
tried to poison me as my trident will decree:
May
the red tide creep into your brain and make you insane.
May
the winter make you scream, and the snows more than they seem.
Tell
me when you give, and then you're sand in my sieve.
You
have claimed validity for your own stupidity.
But
I only do it because I love you, more than you'll know to be true.
Not
to swallow more than to accrue, or to succumb to the black and blue.
But
to have heaven within you, and to give you my loving clue.
I
needn't watch you suffer and bleed, so don't resent me for your
deeds.
I
can't wash away your tears anymore: my home is far too sore.
The
storms can't fill me up, and your world sits on top of my cup.
I
want you to find something more, than have you and me knock on that
door...
What's
this, I see? No more water?
Well,
that's what you get for overblowing me.
“Emperor
Neptune's Warning”
Words
by nirvhannah Shepherd
(c)
nirvhannahgarden, 2015
 |
| "Neptune on the Moon", in watercolor |
*Emperor
Neptune loves you, Earthlings. He may seem cruel and unforgiving from
his stormy attitude, and simultaneously he may seem weak because of
his pillowy disposition, but it's only because you've disrespected
him and gave him a bad name. He hails from Bikini Atoll, a place with
a rather “heated” history, and he was born amphibious. You've
poured everything onto his beloved oceans, from crude oil, to trash,
to scrap metal, to toxic waste, to radiation. You've abused his home,
his world, his realm, for your own benefit. Now he's marooned on a
desert island somewhere near Cape Horn.
He's
marooned on an island… and he's heartbroken. He had to swim
thousands of miles to escape the Pacific pollution and the California
drought, and now he's exhausted. His deep eyes and beautiful skin
itch from all the extra salinity. He's starving: he can't get
plankton into his tummy quick enough. His piscean friends are
disappearing right before his eyes. He's heartbroken because his one
true love, humanity, you Earthlings, is destroying him. He loves you
so much that when he thinks of what you're doing to him, it brings
him to vengeful tears.
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